How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
