i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.