I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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