When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical