Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??