Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going