Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

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(646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. http://tfl.nu/fqyo

Replies (26) Good night (9194) Bad night (1344)
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(407): View more from Florida

Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

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(407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. http://tfl.nu/knfk

Replies (14) Good night (4805) Bad night (692)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.

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(228): two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter. http://tfl.nu/ayzd

Replies (26) Good night (832) Bad night (3819)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.

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(603): he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me. http://tfl.nu/oqud

Replies (79) Good night (933) Bad night (6373)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?

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(252): after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went? http://tfl.nu/cg2w

Replies (30) Good night (1544) Bad night (4887)
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(312): View more from Illinois

the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

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(312): the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses http://tfl.nu/vxdn

Replies (4) Good night (5127) Bad night (862)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function

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(201): I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function http://tfl.nu/ad1f

Replies (9) Good night (2632) Bad night (1113)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom

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(248): Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom http://tfl.nu/u2bm

Replies (5) Good night (773) Bad night (1746)
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(772): View more from Florida

I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..

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(772): I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all.. http://tfl.nu/gmlb

Replies (9) Good night (778) Bad night (1846)
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(212): View more from New York

all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"

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(212): all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???" http://tfl.nu/w522

Replies (8) Good night (1403) Bad night (726)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

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(614): Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on. http://tfl.nu/zmme

Replies (17) Good night (3662) Bad night (810)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

We were destined to go to rehab together

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(405): We were destined to go to rehab together http://tfl.nu/ewf5

Replies (4) Good night (615) Bad night (422)
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(585): View more from New York

He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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(585): He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants http://tfl.nu/sshj

Replies (7) Good night (691) Bad night (472)
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(757): View more from Virginia

and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.

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(757): and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm. http://tfl.nu/2rbo

Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (320)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.

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(503): Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are. http://tfl.nu/rx55

Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (394)

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