He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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