My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
