My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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