Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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