so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
