my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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