I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
