Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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