My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
