It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize