You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
