Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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