My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
