We won't sleep together?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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