Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
