I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
