Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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