Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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