My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
