Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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