i just made my gag reflex go away.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
