im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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