Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
