he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
