do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
