dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
