just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have fence marks all over my body
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
