one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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