i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
