if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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