$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
