just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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