I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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