I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
