names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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