your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
