I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
