i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
