I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
