When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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