so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
