Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My feet surprised me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
