Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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