i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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