He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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