Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
