I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
