6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
