She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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