On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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