She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
