I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize