You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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