i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
