Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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