dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
