I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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