Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
