I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They are going to name an STD after you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize