I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
birth control should be required to get into college
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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