my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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