I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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