Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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