I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
