Kiss
Puke
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
