I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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