It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
