so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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