they need to just BURY HIM!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
