So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
