pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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