I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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