please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
