Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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