you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
