I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
